It Is Me After All

Five Things:
*I had a miserable weekend spent in outbursts of tears, the kind that last until you sob tearless then get sick. Not my best weekend. What caused the rainfall? Seven credits. That’s right, I am just 7 elective credits away from my AA. *Misery* it wouldn’t be that bad if it wasn’t for having to get my AA before I can go to Mannings. And that the cost of summer quarter is going to put me back another year before I can start Mannings. I was just 6 months away! SIX MONTHS!!! And now. Well it is no bueno.

*I realized that sometimes you don’t want advice or for a person to try talking you through/fixing something or justifying it in some way… but sometimes you just want them to listen and tell you they’re sorry and that they know - that they promise you – it will be ok. Maybe not today, maybe not even soon, but that it will be. The one individual who did this for me – you know who you are - thank you so much, you’re a blessing.

*It’s annoying when people date just so that they can be in a relationship/have someone. Relationships like that are just flings and using people… I don’t approve.

*I had two “kill me now moments” in the past week for speaking without thinking. One with my dad, one with a coworker. Like the “I’m so embarrassed can I just run away and let us forget about this” embarrassed. Not cool. I must learn to think before speaking and maybe take a good look around before blurting out something just because I’m in a hyper mood.

*The truth is I want to end the whole wondering thing and take a risk… and just force myself to deal with the consequences. But they could cost too much, and I promised myself I never would again… So I have to just wait longer still and keep my hopes high and expectations low. The current bliss in the said togetherness will have to be enough. For now at least.