Forgo The Parable

I find it strange, how a person can be with someone and breakup repeatedly, yet still remain so attached. Both are to blame at one point or another, mutual wrongs all just keep building between them yet they maintain an ongoing relationship somehow. And times come where they’re both to hurt and confused to look each other in the eye. Times when one reaches out, and the other has moved on to someone new, where lasting or no they’re going to learn something. The other wonders, ‘is this it?’ But like I said it’s an ongoing cycle, a constant hot and cold. And I believe this continues until they either make it to a breaking point, where they can’t risk it one more time, because it will result in nothing. Or until one finds what they were looking for in the other person all along, but it’s found in someone else. And strangest of all is either way they know they loved each other, that there’s always a love for the memories, good and bad, they’re all precious, beautiful memories. Hopeless romantic? Well that’s plausible. In the end, your still very lovable, your happiness is mine. And more than anything I want to see you go, take a glorious bite of the whole world.

Way To Be A Bummer

You dont know me, you dont know me at all.
You made me cry. Because I'm emotional, and you're mean.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
So there.
P.S. You know I'll always love you, but right now I just dont like you.

You complete me

My cousin Annie posted this pic of her daddy and mum (uncle Cory and aunt kellie, and it teared me up some. Its so him, with his big smile regardless of the obvious pain he's feeling. On the bright side he is on the mend, there are complications, but he's alive and improving.

So, I'm finding that some friends are just a joy, and just being around them brightens my entire day. xoxoxo
this is silly but I just found the sheet music for "United States of Eurasia" (Muse). And i am SO excited! Which is pretty ridiculos seeing how my piano skills are horridly weak still. But now that I have the sheet music i'm promising myself i wont stop with piano until i can play this song. =] it could take years...

Twang

So over the last few months i have messed some things up major. I seem to just be going through the motions without the zeal, the excitment, the joy, that i had always had in the past. What a waste. Time to snap out of it, time to start again. So now I appreciate the things i had before, desire the relationships I had. Things were so much better, I just stopped and that set me on a crash course. I'm gonna refocuse, and be me again.

I am perfectly uncertain.

With so much going on in the past two weeks I believe this will be a lengthy blog. A lot of blessings, and a lot of pain.

First of all, I was able to go see Muse and Silverson Pickups in Portland. Best. Concert. Ever. =] I could truly talk about it for hours. It’s like the whole world - outside of those who attended the concert – missed something… essential. The entire show was stunning, Muse had it all; great stage presence, epic lineup, audience interaction, nice blend of vocals and instruments, and their screens were… gasp worthy! I cannot wait till they come back to town. If I were rich, I would stalk them across country.

Also, my classes at clark thus far have been interesting. I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle the 18 credits… but I really like that I have lots of friends in each class. And I believe I’m building lasting relationships here. A funny thing is that the guy from bag check who always does the whole”family heirloom, survived the holocauste, hug my bag please” thing, well he is in my finite math class. Haha so that whould be fun.

hahaha and Dawn today. "theres a rubberband on your head." "... its a headband." "it looks like a rubber band." lol =]

A somewhat bitter sweet relization is: “I can tell just what you want: you don’t want to be alone.” Two door cinema club, I believe they just read my freaking mind.

Now for the horrid things as of late. My Nanny (great grandma) passed away. This is kinda bitter sweet. She had been saying as of late, “I just wanna go home to Jesus.” And I know she’s now in Heaven with Poppy (great grandpa) and Jesus, she has a new body that’s perfect, so she wont have to hurt anymore. And though I miss her, and I want her here with me, I wouldn’t wish her back, knowing that she’s never been happier than she is now. She was a beautiful woman, the most devoted Christian I have ever known, and Nanny was a real example to me of unconditional love. I was her “Pixie” her “little smiley face” and the last things she told me are “You’re cute. You’re just so cute. You were a cute baby, and you’re a cute lady. You’re funny, but you’re cute.” And, “There’s that smile, that smile has only ever left you’re face once. I’d think it would maybe hurt your face smiling like that.” I miss her a lot, a whole lot, but I have beautiful memories, and the undoubtable knowledge I’ll see her again.

Also, my uncle Cory, his neck broke when a limb fell and hit him at work. He was life flighted to Seattle for surgery. I don’t know any details because this happened just yesterday, but he just got out of sergery today. I believe it was vertibray 4 5 and 6 that were broken. Mom and I went straight to grandma’s to be with her and uncle cory’s kids. My cousins are so… grown up, they were handling it like real troopers (twins age ten, annika and Kenny, and older sis courtny). They aren’t ok, but they are trying desperately to be. My prayers are with them and my aunt and uncle.

Through these things though, I know it is all part of Gods plan, I wont even pretend to understand it, but it always becomes clear eventually. I have the security it will all be fine, I just have to hold close to God’s promises, and I feel immediate calm/reassurance.

Jeremiah 29:11, “’for I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord, ‘they are plans for good and not for disaster to give you a hope and a future.’”

One thing I have noticed is that in a boyfriend/spouse, and even a friend, I need someone to understand. Who will… hold my feelings in high regards? Over the past few weeks, while watching my family and friends cope, I learned that if one really and truly cares, they’ll take the time to contemplate your pain. And maybe not tell you the bad things in a text or a voicemail, or even a phone call. Certain things they’ll grasp the pain it will inflict, and they’ll wait to tell you until they can share in that, perhaps not even by crying with you, but maybe just hold you without fear of your tears.

anywayyys, peace out loves!xoxoxoxo